My Music


Wednesday, June 4, 2008

In Memory of Steve.

This post is in memory of my late husband Steve Williams.
Feb 25, 1970 ~ June 2, 2004
(I know It's a few days late)

A little background info for all of those that don't know me very well (Yet).

Steve & I went to Jr. High & High School together, but we hung with completely different crowds.
He was the school jock and well, if you've read my blog you saw what I looked like in High School.
There was no way that we ever would have dated!  Not even a thought in my head, in fact if you would have told me back then that we would end up dating & getting married I would have told you to have your head examined.
Well after I divorced my kids dad (Joby) I was at work (Anderson Lumber) and one of my old friends dad came in to purchase some stuff.
Apparently he thought I looked better now (1998) than I did in High School (Which was true)
so he went home & told his son who was also divorced at the time.
I was a little to cowgirl for him but he thought I would be perfect for his good old friend Steve.
So he told Steve about me & he decided to come in & check me out (at work).
I guess he liked what he saw because he came in about 5 or 6 times more within about 2 weeks (mind you he had never been in the store before this).
I kinda thought he was coming in to see me because he would come in for stupid stuff like a can of spray paint or some nuts & bolts etc. & he would always make sure that if I wasn't at my register that he would come find me with a work related ? of some sort.
But I didn't want to get my hopes up and really what would a guy like him find appealing about me anyways.
My girlfriends at work were on me all the time to give him my phone # because they were certain the only reason he was coming in was to see me.
So after much prodding by the girls I finally got brave enough.
I wrote down my phone numbers on a piece of paper & on the bottom I wrote:
If your interested.
If not then just throw this away.
The next time he came in I gave him the paper with his receipt.
He asked me what it was & I told him to just look at it after he left.
Well that night I got a call, we talked on the phone forever until he had to go to work.
But he asked me out for that friday night.
Well long story short we went out & were inseparable ever since.

We got married on March 11, 2000
in good old Las Vegas.
We were there for one of his softball tournament's 
so we figured while we were there we might as well just get married.
He didn't want a big wedding thing, we had both been married before so Vegas seemed logical.

We were married for about a year & 4 months when Steve was diagnosed with Cancer.
Non Hodgkin's Type B Lymphoma.
This was a very big shock to us both, BUT to Steve it was ok he'd beat it & he wasn't worried.
At least he never let me see that he was worried.
Until the very last second of his life he wasn't going to die as far as he was concerned.
He went through a few bone marrow biopsy's, a few different kinds of Chemo CHOP & RICE & also Radiation.
The tumor in his chest just wouldn't shrink small enough for him to get a Bone Marrow Transplant.   
The Chemo only proved to be a kind of wall that would hold the cancer at bay.
Every time they stopped it for any amount of time the tumor would continue to grow at a very rapid speed.
He was an amazing fighter, he never really got very sick most of the time you wouldn't even know that he had cancer he went to work everyday, played softball 2 nights a week & usually all weekend long in tournaments.
He was living & he wasn't going to die.

Steve & his Daughter Gracie.

Steve & my kids Courtnie & Cody.

We spent a lot of time at the Doctors office, Hospitals, the U, & the Huntsman's Cancer Institute.
Steve did really well up until about the last 6 months of his life.
Then he started to go down hill, he had to have oxygen 24 hours a day to help him breath, he had to have all kinds of meds, I had to give him different shots (Did I mention that I'm DEATHLY AFRAID of NEEDLES?) He couldn't get himself dressed or undressed, he couldn't sleep for very long periods of time, his appetite was pretty much gone.
And did I mention that he was really really onry and mean to everyone?
I know that it was the cancer & not him but I'll tell you I NEVER want to go through that again.
My heart broke for him & his pain that I knew he had but he would never admit.
He was a very proud man.
Steve lost his battle at home on June 2nd 2004.
It was not a fun night & one that I will never forget, My little family's pain with cancer was over but the pain of loosing someone that you love was just beginning.
We have survived but Steve will always be apart for our lives.
He taught me a lot about Life & what's important, he taught me to Always fight no matter the odds or what people say & to never give in or give up.
I am a Stronger Woman because of him & what we went through together.

What Cancer Cannot Do!

Cancer is so limited.
It Cannot cripple love.
It Cannot Shatter hope.
It Cannot corrode hope.
It Cannot eat way peace.
It Cannot destroy confidence.
It Cannot kill friendships.
It Cannot shut out memories.
It Cannot silence courage.
It Cannot invade the soul.
It Cannot reduce eternal life.
It Cannot quench the spirit.
It Cannot lesson the power of the resurrection.


God watched you as you suffered &
He knew you'd had your share.
He gently closed your weary eyes
& took you in his care.
God has you in his keeping
we have you in our hearts.
Your memory is our keepsake
with that we'll never part.
God saw you getting tired 
& a cure was not to be.
So he put his arms around you
& whispered, "Come with me."
With tearful eyes we watched
As you suffered & faded away.
Although we loved you dearly
We could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating
Hard working hands to rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us
He only takes the best.

"Always to remember never to forget."


Are You Serious! said...

♡ What a trying time for you guys! I did well with now tears until I read that poem!!! He sounds amazing to be so possitive all that time. I can't blame him for being onery that last bit. I don't know how anyone deals with cancer, family & patient alike! You guys are amazing!

Bonnie said...

Thanks for sharing that Tina. I had child development with Steve our Sr. year. He was the biggest reason I even went. You know about my class attendance. So thye fact that I passed it, shows how much I liked him. You are an amazing woman. I admire you for many things.

Brian Family said...

I am so sorry Tina! You are such an amazing woman to have go through all that and be so positive!

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